Reflecting...

I'm finally home safe and sound as most of you probably know already. I am filled with a mixture of emotions but for the most part I'm happy to be home. I really miss Guatemala already. My room is too spacious and there are not enough people in my house for my liking ha. FYI this is going to be longer than most posts but bare with me.

My last day was one of the hardest days of my life. I brought in two cakes, one for the patients and one for the staff as a thank you and farewell. A patient with her fingers fused together in balls came running at me with a butcher knife because she wanted a slice of cake. I could not help but laugh as someone like that was running with a butcher knife with a huge grin on her face. I did confiscate it and cut her a slice.

I should have brought the staff the cake so much earlier on in my volunteer experience. They were so nice after! Virginia had told me to do it earlier but I didn't think things would change much so I mistakenly ignored that piece of advice. My placement wasn't quite as welcoming as others because I was the very first volunteer at that hospital which makes me feel a bit special. They didn't really understand the purpose of a volunteer and I think were just kind of confused why I was there most of the time. Finally as I started to leave they began to realize how much I did help and the purpose of my presence.

In that same day of saying goodbye, I wandered to the physical therapy side to say goodbye to some people I knew there. I ended up meeting such a cool girl my age that spoke perfect English! As she spoke to me I painted her nails. It turns out she was a bilingual secretary for a while and then got in a terrible car crash and can't work because she got paralyzed in her ands and legs. Now she is in therapy relearning to use her hands and has plans to go to law school. We are still in contact now. I also played ping pong with my friend Pedro who is in a wheel chair. We reached a 40 ball rally!

The worst part was saying good by to all of my little old lady friends. They bombarded me with nick-knack gifts like Jesus bracelets, fake flowers, and a crochet square. I still am debating what to do with it. The cutest part about that is the lady remembered my favorite color was yellow and crocheted yellow with green trim onto the little square. They kept telling me how much they would miss me, begging me not to go. That made me cry, and then that struck a chain cry reaction. I tried terribly hard to suppress it because I'm going back to this life that is so much better than where they are right now. They promised to write me letters this week and I'm looking very forward to it.

There are so many things that I have learned and gained from this trip. I told my dad it was more than worth the money spent. One of the main things I have learned is taking the initiative to do things. My placement had no direction and it was up to me to decide what to do everyday. For a bit it was miserable because I was kind of expecting to be told what to do, but then once my Spanish started to improve and I adapted to the routine it became enjoyable. I also had to take the initiative while traveling as well. I voiced my opinion as to where I wanted to go, where we would stay and be eating. This will boggle some of your minds but I didn't use a guide book the entire time I was there. It was more fun just asking Virginia what to do and then wandering to find places we liked and found interesting. It was all very exciting.

I have grown up a lot by traveling. I have been forced to look out for my own safety and to use good judgement. Obviously I have succeeded because I am home alive :). I avoided walking alone and did not make eye contact with people trying to sell me illegal substances. I also learned how to bargain and know when I'm getting screwed. I stand up for myself a lot more now rather than just going with what is the easiest solution.

Speaking of easy solutions, it wasn't an easy solution to understand the culture at first. Everything seemed foreign and I felt very out of place. Once I began to understand why the Mayans and Guates were dressing the way they did, and began to understand the government system, the pieces began to fall together. Guatemala is such a poor country but the rich are freakin rich. Rather than trying to fit in I just embraced trying to learn about why things were the way they were and to live my life accordingly. The home base started to feel like home in the second week. Once I would see the Bugambilia flowers above the door and Don Luis's face in the little box to see who was outside, a feeling of comfort would always surge through me.

Finally one of the greatest lessons I have learned is how to get along with big groups of people. I knew how to do that before, but I have begun to master it. Being open to others lifestyles and trying to understand rather than judge is huge. I wouldn't consider myself a judgmental person whatsoever, but when people start to tell you really crazy things it's hard not to judge just a little bit. I also let people know exactly how my life is at home and my beliefs without worrying if other people are going to agree with my way of life or not. What brought us all together were games like Kemps, catchphrase, poker and going out together. The clubbing scene was one I will not forget haha.

Two nights ago I was greeted at the airport by my mom and Grandmary with a beautiful boquet of flowers! So exciting! I'm very happy to be home. I am now motivated to get so many things done. I am starting my applications to nursing school this week. I really want to return to Guatemala when once I am a nurse. I somehow need to keep up my spanish skills. I may need to just make some local Mexican friends and converse. I don't foresee that happening but I know I'm going to find some way to keep speaking the language haha. I am working today on uploading all of my pictures on facebook so be looking for them!

This will probably be my last blog. I hope you have all enjoyed reading about my travels and I would encourage anyone to volunteer even if it is just locally in the U.S. As cheesy as it sounds, you can make a difference! Goodbye for now!

XO Carolyn